constant thoughts

I try to smile every day. I try to laugh and be happy in public. I try to remember that life is a funny thing and sometimes shit happens. And most of all, I try to convince myself to trust the decisions that I've made, and trust that I made them for what were compelling reasons - even if the rationale is now beginning to blur in my head. Time offers such a safe distance from the immediacy and passion and certainty of these things, but I need a black-and-white reminder of why things had to turn out this way. If anything, time turns things into shades of gray for me, leaving room for doubt and what-ifs, snatching what little conviction I had in the first place that this was the right decision. And if/when I finish rationalizing one way, I go back and rationalize the other way.

E et al. have always teased me about rationalizing everything. Everything. Most of the time it's quirky and harmless, and perhaps even a source of amusement to those around me. But in "real life" and crappy interpersonal situations, it really complicates things unnecessarily and turns around to bite me in the ass.

Please note the numerous bite marks on my ass.

and if i hurt you, then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy
and then you bring me home
cuz we both know what it's like to be alone

...said captain obvious

One of many priceless gems from the 6+ hours of video defensive driving I just endured:

"If you drink enough alcohol, YOU WILL GET DRUNK"

So, uh, take a wild guess at how I wasted an entire day of my young, potentially fruitful life.

don't strain too hard while pooping

Excerpted from my physiology syllabus:

Interestingly, the magnitude of intra-abdominal pressures that can be generated during defecation is quite large. This results in an increase in arterial pressure because of increased intra-thoracic pressure transmitted across the wall of the heart and aorta. This, in turn, can decrease venous return and increase peripheral venous pressure because of blockage of the large veins in the thorax. The result is a decrease in systemic arterial pressure by decreased stroke volume and cardiac output. These events can have deleterious consequences in patients with vascular disease. For example, strokes often result from increased pressures in cranial vessels generated by individuals straining to defecate. Heretics who believe that Elvis is dead claim that he died in this manner.

Yeah, the stuff in bold is pretty much all I care to take from that paragraph as well. Such useful things I've been learning.