gung hay fat choy

Happy Chinese New Year! Despite the repetitiveness of everything - eat/study/sleep/poop/class/lab/shower (and honestly that's all I ever do) - I'm beginning to treasure and appreciate the small moments that are far too easy to overlook these days. You have to adapt to the space you're given - like an erythrocyte in an irregularly shaped capillary - and continue along your merry way. Otherwise, you'll just get stuck, and the spleen will destroy you because your 120 days of being a functional RBC are over. Okay, that analogy kinda died towards the end. But life is good, and I'm not about to let the spleen get to me now.

Ha. Ask me in a few days when the physiology exam looms and see if I still feel that way. =)

and maybe you should sleep
and maybe you just need a friend
as clumsy as you've been
there's no one laughing
you will be safe in here

currently listening:
Our Lady Peace "Clumsy"

crunch time

It says a lot that I have coffee droplets spilled once every ten pages of my syllabus.

simmer

Sometimes med school makes it much too easy to put difficult thoughts on the back burner. With the barrage of information and frequent exams, it seems there isn't much time to do/think about much else. Which has been good for me, for the most part... it's like non-self-imposed denial. But once, just once in a while, my mind will randomly wander, and then a whole flood of things will hit at once. And it isn't until then that I realize how much there is simmering away back there.

when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste

lights will guide you home

currently listening:
Ben Folds "Evaporated"
Coldplay "Fix You"

stop the air pollution!

The other day after class, I headed to the library with a few friends for the purpose of being nerdy. Since we saw that one guy was about to leave a group study room, we decided that we'd take over said room so we could talk and be rowdy and generally cause a ruckus. It should be noted that this guy was kind of greasy-looking and more than a little overweight (Not that I have anything against that! Promise!) but we didn't think anything of it. UNTIL...

...he opened the door to the room and stepped out. Immediately, a foul rotten musty steamy fermented foot odor blasted us in the faces. Trust me, I've experienced my share of horrible smells (poop in anatomy lab, rural Chinese bathrooms, Mexican bathrooms, etc.) but this took the cake both in grossness and magnitude. I mean - it was a WHOLE study room! How can one pair of feet/shoes give rise to enough odor molecules to saturate an ENTIRE room? Needless to say, we all began laughing uncontrollably like the mature adults that we are and then proceeded to run in the other direction. I feel bad b/c I'm sure the guy heard us laughing... =(

Anyway I was reminded of that incident, for I am again at the library, and again the odorous offender is in the same group study room. He doesn't even need to freaking reserve it anymore b/c no one else would ever want to go in there.

i am an idiot

That's pretty much it for now.

asdf

For the first time in my life, or at least in as long as I can remember, I'm not sure if I'm going to be okay. Even in what I imagined were difficult times, I could still make out the light at the end of the tunnel; I knew deep down that in the end things would be all right, even if I didn't yet know how. I have recently realized that I've handled my whole life by looking forward and aiming at a specific point... and I only feel secure when I can see that target ahead and know in which direction to orient myself.

Being on this directionless path now scares me a bit. I can't see the end and I don't know the way and I don't know how things will turn out. And perhaps what I'm most unaccustomed to is walking it alone.