year in review

2006 was, to say the least, tumultuous. Not saying that I don't recognize the value of the "life experiences" I supposedly tucked into my sleeve in the process... but drama is exhausting. And I'm exhausted. If there's anything at all I truly learned about myself, it's that I somehow always end up living my life at the farthest ends of extremes: complete stability or complete wreck, total health nut or fat slob, whirlwind mania or apathetic immobility. At the risk of perpetuating the MS2 hypochondria stereotype, I truly think I may be subclinically bipolar. With a touch of borderline personality thrown in for good measure.

Now at year's end, I think I have found myself at all the bad extremes in my personal life: physically, emotionally, mentally; and on the flip side, at the 24-7 studying extreme in my professional life. Some of it I will attribute to the strange bubble world of med school, in which I (and many of my peers, I'm sure) put our current needs behind those of our future careers. It's so easy to say "I'll think about my body, my health, my mental/emotional stability, etc. when this test is over." I say it all the time. Except that tests are constant. Work will be constant. Family will eventually be constant. I can hardly handle my own life, much less that of someone else, which was proven to me in a very painful way. And though it seemed inevitable and the only right choice at the time, it still kind of scared(-es) me. So much so that in retrospect, it was the catalyst for a lot of self-destructive immaturity. Quarter-life crisis, anyone?

In college, I had the time to aim for all the good extremes in all aspects of my life... you could do it all: study, have fun, work out, make ample time for friends/family/relationships, even indulge several hobbies. I was never very good at prioritizing and time management (understatement: I'm terrible), but who needs to prioritize when you have all the time in the world to get everything done? Turns out, I'm not all that well-rounded and balanced when I'm crunched for time.

So. My resolution for 2007. (Yes, I'm buying into the whole "new year, new me" bullshit. What of it?) Balance. I'm not going to pretend that I'm always going to be great at everything. Because I won't. I'm not going to pretend that I won't put myself on hold during exam weeks. Because I will. But, if some of the time, I remember to take care of my body, my mind, my emotions, then maybe I will find a bit of stability that's been sorely missing in my life for much of the last year.

i'm freeeee!!!

All that stands between me and Europe is a nap, some packing, lots of cleaning, a car state inspection, and perhaps one last final insult to my liver for 2006.

currently watching

Blind Date and Cheaters. Because they come on at 1am while I eat dinner.

three cheers

...for Old Nassau. Apparently Princeton ties die hard. After Friday with the school-sponsored holiday dinner party and Republic afterwards, I was beginning to doubt whether I had the energy for G's (P '04) bday party Saturday night. A was kind enough to come with me, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. Hanging out with non-med-school people is really refreshing, even if we didn't quite fit this particular demographic: white, yuppie, attractive, preppy/trendy, finance/ibankers. That, and we were the first two females to arrive at what began as a beer-and-football gathering of the good-old-boys' club. Walking up the stairs of his three-story uptown townhouse, an initial wave of social anxiety hit me for about 30 seconds until G's genuine happy friendliness (and drunkenness?) warmed me over like a strong whisky eggnog. We're talking volatile-fumes strong. With giant chocolate-chip cookies that G baked himself. I love holiday-season parties.

Anyway G just might be my biggest groupie in Dallas, and I think he succeeded in overinflating my ego with undeserved lavish praise to anyone within earshot. I must admit that I was again slightly flattered (man this guy is good). We (re)-exchanged numbers [actually saved on our cell phones this time instead of scribbled on bar napkins], drunk-dialed one of our mutual friends, and made plans for our social circles to overlap - ostensibly for random-hanging-out but obviously for meeting each others' friends.

God. I didn't think it would come to this, but it has. I have officially become a "young adult" who "networks." Whatever happened to the days when you could crush on the cute guy who sits next to you in class?