year in review

2006 was, to say the least, tumultuous. Not saying that I don't recognize the value of the "life experiences" I supposedly tucked into my sleeve in the process... but drama is exhausting. And I'm exhausted. If there's anything at all I truly learned about myself, it's that I somehow always end up living my life at the farthest ends of extremes: complete stability or complete wreck, total health nut or fat slob, whirlwind mania or apathetic immobility. At the risk of perpetuating the MS2 hypochondria stereotype, I truly think I may be subclinically bipolar. With a touch of borderline personality thrown in for good measure.

Now at year's end, I think I have found myself at all the bad extremes in my personal life: physically, emotionally, mentally; and on the flip side, at the 24-7 studying extreme in my professional life. Some of it I will attribute to the strange bubble world of med school, in which I (and many of my peers, I'm sure) put our current needs behind those of our future careers. It's so easy to say "I'll think about my body, my health, my mental/emotional stability, etc. when this test is over." I say it all the time. Except that tests are constant. Work will be constant. Family will eventually be constant. I can hardly handle my own life, much less that of someone else, which was proven to me in a very painful way. And though it seemed inevitable and the only right choice at the time, it still kind of scared(-es) me. So much so that in retrospect, it was the catalyst for a lot of self-destructive immaturity. Quarter-life crisis, anyone?

In college, I had the time to aim for all the good extremes in all aspects of my life... you could do it all: study, have fun, work out, make ample time for friends/family/relationships, even indulge several hobbies. I was never very good at prioritizing and time management (understatement: I'm terrible), but who needs to prioritize when you have all the time in the world to get everything done? Turns out, I'm not all that well-rounded and balanced when I'm crunched for time.

So. My resolution for 2007. (Yes, I'm buying into the whole "new year, new me" bullshit. What of it?) Balance. I'm not going to pretend that I'm always going to be great at everything. Because I won't. I'm not going to pretend that I won't put myself on hold during exam weeks. Because I will. But, if some of the time, I remember to take care of my body, my mind, my emotions, then maybe I will find a bit of stability that's been sorely missing in my life for much of the last year.