boxing

Sometimes you have to be down in order to grow stronger. The hard part is figuring out whether you're really down for the count or only temporarily knocked out. Because, when you think about it, that makes all the difference between

1) knowing when to gracefully accept a loss for what it is
2) struggling to get back up only to drag out a painful finish
3) struggling to get back up and then winning

(In case it wasn't already evident, I like to make statements in bullet format. I also like to make statements in general, but let's not go there.)

I'm pretty sure I'm badly bruised and probably have a black eye or two, but I don't quite know yet whether I'm down for the count. It seems there's no sure way to know unless you go through the struggle and find out, once and for all, how this story ends. They say winners never quit and quitters never win, but really, does anyone come out a winner if you stick it out to the bitter end where everyone gets hurt more than is necessary?

this is MEDICAL school

I like how our courses can't just be called plain "biochemistry" or "genetics." No. They have be called "medical biochemistry" and "medical genetics." You know, in case it wasn't clear enough already that this is MEDICAL school. And let's not forget medical ethics. Who needs regular ethics anyway as long as we have medical ones?

Anyway, it was a fun-filled weekend, complete with rock climbing, Harry Potter, waffle- and cake-making, and the requisite last-minute bar outing for a couple of beers. I really underestimated the value of "free" (well, prepaid-Quad-membership) beer. Had I known then what I know now, I would have drunk a lot more Beast when it was free.

levels of idiocy

Very few days go by that I don't, at some point, inwardly shake my head at myself and mumble "Idiot!! Why are you such an idiot?!?" This includes, but is not limited to:
1) idiocy on an everyday embarrassment level (choking audibly on my coffee during lecture)
2) idiocy on a public/social level ("Why oh why did I flash the kickball referee after his bad call? That was completely unnecessary" [note: true story].)
3) true idiocy on the level of questionable judgment calls in life. I think I shall maintain some semblance of privacy with this one.

My number of consecutive idiotic days/wks is starting to reach a new record high. I originally started this blog to document some of my more humorous moments and thoughts for your collective entertainment value, but I now realize that I tend to write more often when I'm contemplative. Contemplative is not funny nor entertaining. My apologies.

I've realized, though, that there will always be a certain level of dichotomy between being completely true to yourself and being what others [society/family/friends/significant others] expect of you. A lot of my idiocy these days falls into category 3, in that I think I am only now beginning to clearly delineate that dichotomy and to recognize that at some point you have to choose wisely to find a good balance. With few exceptions, my biggest mistakes in life have been choosing someone else's happiness (desires, general well-being, etc.) at the expense of my own. I actually seldom see them as mistakes at the time because it feels so right to put myself last. I realize I do this a lot on an everyday basis too (albeit on a much smaller scale) but that's more along the lines of "little things you can do that can make a difference in other people's happiness." However, now with these "big life decisions," I wonder how long I can keep up with this philosophy before it finally takes its toll and I forget who I really was to begin with.

such pain

Wow... my... body... aches. Specifically, my legs. Even more specifically, my quads. To the extent that I can barely lift up my legs without wincing. Yes, I am a humongous wuss. Oh man, it even hurts when I sneeze. Add external obliques to the list. It just occurred to me that boys who lift a lot would probably do pretty well in anatomy... or at least the upper body muscles part of anatomy.

In related news, kickball just might be my new favorite sport.

adventures in thailand

As I lead my relatively uneventful life back in good old Texas, plodding along my set-in-stone-8-year path that is medicine, I often think... wow, I really dropped the ball on the "be spontaneous and take risks in life" thing. I think about all you guys over in Cambridge or China or quitting your unfulfilling job after 2 months and taking a cross-country trip to really figure out your life. And once in a while, some things really stand out and make me realize how I'm still very much within my comfort zone in life.

Enter Exhibit A.

B: would you eat rice that has dead ants in it?
xx bigbadjoey xx: what??
xx bigbadjoey xx: hahaha
xx bigbadjoey xx: what kind of question is that?
B: well i had a bag of uncooked rice
B: ants got into it
B: i put it inteh fridge
B: the ants in it died
B: i just put some of tha trice in a cooker and am cooking it
B: and im wondering if you woudl eat that rice
xx bigbadjoey xx: hahahhahaha
xx bigbadjoey xx: if you strain out the ants and wash the rice well
xx bigbadjoey xx: i think it's ok
B: i washed the rice three times
B: and got some of hte ants out
B: but its dark rice
B: so i can't tell if they're all out
B: welcome to my world in thailand

Moral of story: thanks, guys, for keeping me in perspective... I enjoy your different experiences and can live vicariously through all of you. Although I can't say I'd rather eat the ants.

slosh

Have any of you ever drunk so much liquid that your stomach actually sloshes audibly when you move around? As G will attest, this seems to happen to me quite often, but I've never heard of it happening to anyone else. The sloshing problem is exacerbated when I am studying and drinking copious amounts of tea. I am also eating large amounts of Cheez-its right now, which make me thirsty and make me drink even more liquid.

I currently sound like a water bottle being shaken. It's kind of funny. But mostly weird.

In other news, my Longchamp bag arrived from France on Monday! In my customized colors! And monogrammed! I know it's only a bag, but hey, it's the little things that keep me going these days.

oh the irony

For being a year older, I actually feel much much less wise and less sure of myself. Funny how I usually don't realize my naivete and life mistakes until after the fact, and then I smack myself in embarassed retrospect at the thought of how little I knew and understood. Anyway, for the first time in my life, I'm painfully aware right now of how inadequately equipped I am to handle things that I never even realized were going to be difficult. Adult life feels so much more permanent... you can't go around making haphazard decisions anymore and hoping that time will take care of whatever happens. And yet you can't sit around postponing difficult things and hoping they will magically be okay. Perhaps most importantly, you have to know who you are and what you want, and I think that that's the hardest part.

In any case, thank you all for the warm wishes and gestures. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful, caring friends and family.

goodbye daylight

It is 6pm and completely dark outside. Daylight savings time seems great in the fall when you gain an hour of sleep, until you realize that 6pm starts to look like 9pm. It's so sad that I'm missing the gorgeous gold-and-red autumn and that there will be no slushy snowy winter for me this year. Or for the next 3 years, for that matter. I'm really going to miss having 4 distinct seasons.