levels of idiocy

Very few days go by that I don't, at some point, inwardly shake my head at myself and mumble "Idiot!! Why are you such an idiot?!?" This includes, but is not limited to:
1) idiocy on an everyday embarrassment level (choking audibly on my coffee during lecture)
2) idiocy on a public/social level ("Why oh why did I flash the kickball referee after his bad call? That was completely unnecessary" [note: true story].)
3) true idiocy on the level of questionable judgment calls in life. I think I shall maintain some semblance of privacy with this one.

My number of consecutive idiotic days/wks is starting to reach a new record high. I originally started this blog to document some of my more humorous moments and thoughts for your collective entertainment value, but I now realize that I tend to write more often when I'm contemplative. Contemplative is not funny nor entertaining. My apologies.

I've realized, though, that there will always be a certain level of dichotomy between being completely true to yourself and being what others [society/family/friends/significant others] expect of you. A lot of my idiocy these days falls into category 3, in that I think I am only now beginning to clearly delineate that dichotomy and to recognize that at some point you have to choose wisely to find a good balance. With few exceptions, my biggest mistakes in life have been choosing someone else's happiness (desires, general well-being, etc.) at the expense of my own. I actually seldom see them as mistakes at the time because it feels so right to put myself last. I realize I do this a lot on an everyday basis too (albeit on a much smaller scale) but that's more along the lines of "little things you can do that can make a difference in other people's happiness." However, now with these "big life decisions," I wonder how long I can keep up with this philosophy before it finally takes its toll and I forget who I really was to begin with.